Gah! Why are Pogeymanz fans so bloody silly?! Gen V speculation rant

Please--some speculation is fine really, it is. However, if you are going to speculate, please take into account previous events in the series.

First off, the starters.

Okay, I am fine with people disliking certain generations of starters. People have been hating the various starterssince about Gen III. I do not have a problem with it. Saying that you hate all of the starters of a certain generation.

Just keep on that attitude. I tend to see a fair amount of "well, I liked the Gen III starters--I mean, they had flavour and various elements to them that war me up. However, I absolutely hate the Gen V starters. I mean, look at that complete rip off of squirtle and piplup."

Okay--you have the memory of a gnat. As typically you just go back a few years, and see either, they were not around for the Gen III stuff... OR, they hated the crap out of the starters. Saying silly things like how much Mudkipz will suck. Or laughing at the flaming chicken. That Gecko thing? Horrid.

Then Gen IV comes. Everybody hates those starters. Turtwig? When it came out, you were hating it. Chimchar? Oh great, another fire fighting. And a flaming monkey to boot. Those cads at Nintendo! I mean, what is their problem! Well, at least Piplup looks good. I mean, the others completely suck, and will never be used. Ever. No way that I can see them ever being used.

Now, we get to Gen V. You'd think we'd know better than to bitch about the starters this time around. I mean, we can get a jolly laugh at how wrong we were with Gen III and Gen IV--and look at these pictures, and speculate in positive ways.

Then, we get people ripping on the water starter. Okay--do they have a valid argument? It is a rip off of Squirtle and Piplup you say?

This, I really do not follow--one bit.

Maybe it is because I have some amount of knowledge of various biologically real animals in our world. Not a lot. There are tons of gaps in my knowledge. I am just wondering how a flippin' Sea Otter gets mistaken for a Turtle or a Penguin. Perhaps explain this to me?

I mean--no, I get it, the water types are much easier to base on animals in real life. Hence why they seem similar. As most of these are based on adaptions to living in water.

I mean, we have various wonderful creatures in our oceans here, that have adapted a lot of ways to live. Yes, some of them are similar--which would make Manaphy and Phione a complete rip off of Tentacool and Tentacruel in that sense. However, in comparison to say, the fire types. There are much less for creatures that live in a constant state of being on fire.

Yes, we have Slugma and Macargo. The only other two IRL creatures that spend a notable time on fire, are Buddhist monks and Poltergeist. Though, if we were to base a Buddhist Monk on Fire/Psychic, we'd have a lot of people referring to the resulting monster as "Carrie"--and trying for a female one.

Poltergeist is a hard one, as it kind of requires a psychic nearby. As typically, following cryptozoology, Poltergeist are not creatures--so much as the psionic abstraction of a really stressed out teenage girl. Be them apparently female, or a variant of MtF. I dunno--that would be fun to see a Shedinja style evolution here. Possibly with a six Pokemon appearing in your party of Fire/Ghost, if you have your Fire/Psychic Pokemon get sufficiently ticked off with you.

Okay, so due to the sheer lack of IRL creatures that are in reality on fire at any notable amount of time, they are kind of forced to get creative here. He have creatures that are based on various mytholigcal creatures normally to deal with fire. Such as Salamander (Charmander), Hedgehog (cyndaquil), Chicken??? (Torchic) and a Monkey. Personally, I like the idea of the last two. A six foot kick boxing chicken and a flaming monkey ARE fairly nice to stand next to.

Personally, I tend to breed my flaming kick boxing chicken in with my flaming monkey producing the following movset:

• Fire Punch
• Focus Energy
• Blaze Kick
• Double Kick

but, mostly because I really do not like the U-turn/Close Combat combo. Just personal preference here. That is my only issue with it, really.

I mean, now because we do not have animals constantly on fire, save some slugs, poltergeist (paranormal), and Buddhist monks, in comparison to a large amount of creatures that live in THE FRAKING WATER we have complaints on water types.

I really do not get how a sea otter is a ripoff of a turtle or a penguin. I do not think I will ever know.

I mean--bitching and moaning about the starters just gets a little annoying after a while. Especially when the people doing it know they are fully justified. Only to have them go back to liking them, once we get to Gen VI or Gen VII. You just know that these are the same people that will realise how wrong they are.

Next, we get into seeing the legendaries. You know what? They are legendaries. I do not give a flying crap about them. Want to know why?

Arceus is Zubat.

Hear me out here. Remember Mewtwo? A Pokemon that made use of Mew, to be compatible enough to graft all the DNA of the strongest Pokemon in the world. To make Mewtwo the greatest fighter ever conceived? Do you remember this idea that he was engineered to be God amongst Pokemon.

These are the same creatures that blink, and entire cities are in ruin.

Now, fast forward to Gen IV and Gen III. Mewtwo, while in an upper tier, generally is nothing that special. He will get his ass kicked by plenty of other legendaries just fine. Which, in my opinion, justifies his angsty state. As he was essentially made to suck sort of thing. Heck, two nonlegends are easily capable of taking him on to the point of "you mah hoe!" status, those being Wobbuffet and Garchomp.

The idea of being the bottom to Wobbuffet scares me more than being married to Bubba in prison, just to let you know. And to Mewtwo, I can understand the horror that this analogy demonstrates.

By the time, Gen VI or Gen VII comes around. Arceus will be Zubat.

So, really, the Legendaries do not interest me. what does?

Well, I really like Red Chocobo's and Zorak's additions to the world of Pokemon:

Let's Play Pokemon Emerald

Let's Play Pokemon Crystal

Let's Play Pokemon Quartz

Let's Play Pokemon Fire Red

From what I have seen of Red Chocobo's take on Platinum, it is pretty awesome as well.

If anything, it is more the society, culture and the people. The world that exists in here. The folklore. The local customs. How things work and operate in this world. The flora, the fauna--the normal things.

I find the common Pokemon more interesting that the legendaries. As to me, they are more real. The legendaries do have some form--but they really are not a major or real part of people's day to day lives.

Possibly with me MSTing the whole thing as I go through it. I have been known to scream at the Tv while playing Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness.

I also have been noted, that if I were to design a game, I would most likely end with something on par with a Super Mario World: Kaizo difficultly level.

And--oh dear... we have Shippings starting on.. the.. characters... we only have two sketches of the characters... and people are already trying to name the shipping that they will have.

Okay, you know what? I am just going to leave this alone. As, I have never really understood the idea of shippings. I somehow watched Sailor Moon, during its original North American Tv Airing in the mid-1990s, and got through it, without bothering to really care about who ends up with who.

This concept personally troubles me.

As well--a few years later, in the Sonic Archie comics, I was fully supporting of Julie Sue and Knuckles getting together, and pointing to the idea of Sally Acorn and Sonic getting together.

Yeah, I am one of those silly Sonic fans. This is why when people try to tell me I am smart, I point out that people tell that drooling guy over there eating crayons and talking about his birthday party how people tell him that he is smart and can do anything if he tries.

Now excuse me--I am not entirely certain my vacant drooling form is quite at the right level to get phrase of "you are sooooo special and smart!". Any recommendations of colours of crayons to eat to get this status? I hear that yellow is particularly good. Purple, not so much. Yes, Purple has one of the most not worthy tastes--but itis not good to promote drooling. It really does not build the brain enough to allow for people talk about extravagant galas at Chuck E. Cheese's in Hawaii either. I mean, the more the mentally retarded kids talk about that stuff, the more their care taker tells them, "oh, you are sooooo smart. You can do anything!"

So, yes, I guess, being a Sonic fan, could put me in a similar "very special and intelligent" level of regarding.

I mean, the only shippings I can ever think I have ever done (or even remotely cared about) were to deal with Sonic the Hedgehog at the age of fifteen or sixteen.

So quite clearly, I am not at the sage enough level to understand these concepts or ideas. I know they are there. However, much like most people can turn on a Tv, without noting how Liquid Crystal Displays or Cathode Ray Tubes operate, I will note that they are part of my world, even if I cannot understand their inner workings. This also means, I will not poke around with their insides. Like most people should probably not be poking around in a Television set.

Why do I even bother?

I mean, these are the same fans that refer to moves as "OMG HAX!" (which is on the level, in my mind, with people saying that stuff in CounterStrike). They call game modifications "Game Hacks"--which would make CounterStrike a Halflife "Hack" in comparison. As most of what they are doing with Pokemon Games are the same stuff that was done on DOOM I and DOOM II to allow for FPS modifications. Also similar stuff was done on games like X-Com, various D&D RPG Systems and Fallout, to make modifications in Elder Scrolls and Fallout 3 seem to be common place.

However, it is not like these are not educated people here. I mean, look at their tools. Done in... Visual Basic 5 and Java. The Java one (shoddy) is done by somebody, who in my only real conversation with him, claimed to attend the University of Alberta. When questioned the location of the Sciences Campus, he did not seem to understand that various UoA Campuses are scattered all over Alberta. With the Sciences Campus being located in Camrose, a small city south east of Edmonton with no major transport to and from Edmonton. He kept saying I was weird, for the suggestions that all the campuses were not in one spot--and chiding me for going to the lesser NAIT--and Institute of Technology.

These same highly educated people, who do not release their source to a buggy Visual Basic 5 application, because they do not want people to steal their code.

When it IS Open Source, they do silly things, like hard coding various numbers into them. Like the RNG reporter that has an entire section that generates a small in memory database as something to be compiled into the resulting binary. Rather than say, maybe making a database that could be customised.

It is irritating to see various best practices, such as MVC, modular coding, scripting and large amounts of stuff in PEP-8 not in anyway present in these.

And I have no issue with running something for the JVM. Go crazy. The JVM is actually surprisingly well designed. The language Java, however, is not. If you ARE going to work with the JVM, allowing your software to enter into enterprise areas, I would suggest going with Clojure or JRuby. If Jython was not still based on python version 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, apparently 2.5 (for reference the current stable of Python is 2.6, and testing is 2.7 and 3.0). I would also suggest that. And if that coder who promised to release Jerl 6 would do her job...

I mean, you know what? Maybe, I am not the only one crazy enough to suggest a C based framework to do a set of libraries for Pokemon applications. Be them to modify games, simulate or just be elaborate calculators? C based frameworks that follow a large amount of those books on programming theory made in the 1970s. Which suck. of course. I mean, how could they know about efficient code? I mean, they STILL were working within 64KiB of RAM. Computers were the sizes of small houses. Efficiency in software obviously was not something they knew at all. I mean, today, we are totally better. I mean, my program can totally run in 4GiB of RAM, with a 1TiB Harddrive--why am I suggesting it is bad, that we should require this, for something that this could be done on your old 486 with only 16MiB of RAM. Can't I tell that we are doing so much more with our processors today? er--going off on another rant here.

Evidentially, I am not eating enough paint chips to understand these people's really intelligent ideas.

Also, I apologise for the links to wikipedia here. Most of those however, are just for general knowledge of the subject. There are generally better ways to look into the subject-based on your Operating System of choice.

Super Mario Sisters: Your Plumber's Life in the Dirty Streets of the Mushroom Kingdom

Okay--now then. the Mario Bros series may be a little bit hard to follow. Here is a little set of clip notes to help you understand this world and series a little bit better.

You start off with Mario and Luigi. Two Brooklyn  plumbers who are ethnically Italian, for some odd reason. Mario and Luigi are fraternal twins. They found themselves, somehow, in the Mushroom Kingdom, where they are the only human people there.

Well, except for Wario. Mario's OTHER twin brother. And Wario's twin brother Waluigi. Though, there is doubt as to whether Waluigi exists and anything other than a hallucination by Wario. Which is a very entertaining idea to follow. As Waluigi does not really appear in many games at all.

So, we have four twins. This without the "evil twin" villain that has appeared in various of the RPG titles. Usually an enemy disguising themselves as Mario.

Next we have Baby Mario and Baby Luigi, both of whom where born and were residents of the Mushroom Kingdom. Kind of screwing with Mario and Luigi's already highly held back story. Mostly held by a fair amount of outside media that Nintendo spread around prior to Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island. This appearing in The Super Mario Brothers Super Show and the Mario Brothers cartoon that was created, independently from Captain Lou Albino, in Japan.

Okay, you have this all settled, good.

Now, we meet Mario's first love. Princess Pauline. Mario saved Princess Pauline from Donkey Kong several times. Eventually Mario ends up putting Donkey Kong in a cage, and Donkey Kong Jnr. comes and rescues his daddy. Placing Mario as a villain in a game.

Next, Mario moves onto rescuing Princess Peach Toadstool from King Bowser Koopa. Princess Pauline is dropped like last night's spaghetti and spicy meat-a-balls. Rarely mentioned from here on. Generally, Princess Peach is the damsel for all the games, up until the Wii games. Then we get Princess Rosalina for our damsel.

So why not move onto the Koopa family. Currently, the known members are King Bowser Koopa, the Koopa Kids, and Bowser Jnr. Bowser Jnr. is noted as King Koopa and Peach's love child. Though, when Mario confronts Bowser, Bowser Jnr. and Peach about this, Peach says it is not "her" kid.

Now then, we go to the Koopa Kids. Where do they come from? I mean--it is not like Bowser really has a harem or anything. I mean--"he" is always after Princess Peach. Well, one game does have the Koopa Kids call Bowletta mom. Also known as: Bowser in drag. Though, Bowser having large amounts of anonymous sex as a girl with fully working reproductive organs WOULD explain their appearance. In lieu of any other seemingly reasonable explaination.

Now, this leads the question of where did Bowser Jnr. come from? If Bowser is a girl, and Peach is a girl...

Did I mention that Peach is rarely the damsel in distress on games from the Wii forward. Peach has also been the hero of one game where she saved Mario and Luigi from Bowser.

We also have seen various games where Peach has disguised herself in various situations to get somewhere she wanted to be. Though, this ability to sneak out with disguises seems to not appear consistently. Possibly because the Peach persona she has taken the show with, is one she enjoys the most.

Bowser Jnr's mother is actually Bowser--his/her father is Princess Peach. This kind of sort of hints as to what that rather odd talk Bowser and Bowser Jnr would need to have after the end of Super Mario Sunshine.

It also raises questions as to why TEC from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, was so interested in Peach. The Pervy computer's perv factor has just jumped up a few levels.

It is not like the first time there has been /trans.*/ characters in Mario Brothers. Vivian is a male, who generally flirts with everybody in the game he is in. In Japan and a few other regions, his flirting is taken just fine, with no major issues. However, outside of Japan, Nintendo did not think that Vivian was quite the image they wanted to spread. So Vivian got his MtF transitional surgery outside of Japan.

This is without going into the Birdo issues. Birdo was noted in the manual of his debue game as being a guy, but wore a bow, and insisted everybody refer to him as "her". This manual, revealing Birdo to be a drag queen, cross dresser or transgendered, was recalled shortly after it was put out. He was only returned to this status, after he hooked up with Yoshi. A character generally referred to as male, despite having fully functional reproductive organs. Nintendo, decided to start going with the idea of referring to Birdo as male, and Yoshi as female. As the idea of a /trans.*/ lesbian couple seems really weird to most people. It is either those of Birdo is a girl, and Yoshi is constantly mpreg.

I mean, it is fully possible that Peach is just a really convincing Ladyboy. Try playing Super Princess Peach with this idea. Helps if you have seen enough cartoons and comics depicting this happenstance. Hayate Combat Butler is a popular one I hear. There are many many more.

Naturally when Peach ended up finally getting close with Mario, doing more than bake him some cake--which was not known to be a lie at this point in history. Since then, scientific research has indicated that yes, the cake is, in fact, a lie. Finally Mario got the truth--all twelve inches of it. Peach rarely needs to tuck it. However, when she does tuck it in, she does do a remarkably good job of it. This does explain greatly why dresses are an issue in New Super Mario Brothers Wii.

So now Mario is after Princess Rosalina--with I guess Peach still in the story as Bowser Jnr's deadbeat father. Though, this would explain her kidnappings now. Bowser just wants to talk about alimony and child payments.

And that is my post, ensuring your nightmares have been kept booked for the next week. Well, some of you, this will result in a few wet dreams... perverts.