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The Lamia Hiss

The Lamia Harlot Hissing.

I make various off colour jokes on social ideas and constructs that seem weird or off to me. Possibly remarking why I cannot confess to being human really--humans make no sense to me. Typically including my ideas and thoughts on these rather weird ideas, conclusion jumping to the left, as I step around to the right to see what people are thinking here. Then I thrust some mind viruses in to really drive you insane.

But you know what? I just know history will repeat itself again.

Hope you enjoy me bitching people out.


On Over Reacting

It has come to my attention that people tend to see my rants as long amounts of over reacting. Currently, I do not have my actual website up (Currently? Isn't that redundant at this point?). So I will be posting this blog entry here, on Blogger.

I must not concur with the idea I over react... my responses and measures are entirely valid for the position being given.

Let's take the common example of some jack off parking in a handicapped parking zone. The guy is perfectly capable and healthy. No major mental problems or physical problems. He might even be a dry waller. Yet, he parks in the spot, as he cannot be bothered to walk to that spot. Having somebody with motion issues, like a walker, having to walk from the far end of the parking lot.

This is something that I'd like to see sharks involved as the proper level of response. It will take a while, of course--giving him plenty of time to incur many more infractions on my completely proportion vengence's whims. The sharks will need to be conditioned to swimming in salted lemon water. With a fair amount of lemon juice, salt--and maybe mercury content. This will take a little while to accustom the sharks to this kind of living environment.

Once this is set up, the criminal will be fitted in a swimsuit made from poison nettles. Specificially a women's 1800s swimsuit (complete with umbrella) will be fashioned from poison nettles. The criminal will be forced to wear this, no matter what his gender identity was. Then forced to play a few good games of Women's Field Hockey.

Now, if you are not familiar with the sport... it is the most manly sport ever devised, Women's Field Hockey. The sorts to play it, are usually construction workers, lumber jacks, drive big trucks and have an impressive flannel shirt collection. They also are very interested in other women's sexual organs... which again is very manly. The sport is one with more physical contact than ice hockey. There is a point to the game... but it can be hard to decern between the canes, hard rubber ball--and the rough conduct.

Now the women playing this manly sport of violence would best be suited as having their grumpy time. This tends to allow for any injuries of the man to be met with response such as, "look, you want to know pain? Try having a child. Stop whining about your fractured rib cage and sprained waist." Should the criminal be a woman, this little addition may not add quite as much.

During this whole time, the criminal will have Henry Kissinger narrate the whole events, and give his personal commentary on the actions. Margret Atwood will also be instructed to talk about how much she hates men. This usually involves personal antidotes about clothing and previous times with men she has known. True to the Atwood needs, a small microphone will be fitting in the criminal's ears to get most of what Atwood is saying. It will miss bits and pieces and make the voice sound just slightly off. With a slight buzzing the whole time.

Then after the whole game is done, the criminal is to swim with the Salt Lemon Water Mercury Laden Sharks. They will give a few playful nibbles and possibly eat him alive. He is to allow this, as the still talking Henry Kissinger and Margret Atwood will tell him not to bother the sharks as they are endangered species and much more beautiful creatures than the criminal will ever be. Telling them not to eat him, may stress the sharks. They are also lemon scented.

Now, this will seem like hell. As it would have to be. It is more properly called Tartarus. It is not possible for these all to be together, as the sharks are endangered species. Having the Field Hockey game nearby these sharks, and the Atwood involvement would ultimately have PETA and several other animal organisations onto our asses, for some very just worthy causes, due to our improper treatment of the sharks.

This being Tartarus, the criminal will have survived the eating by the sharks, as this fits as his eternal punishment for parking in a handicapped parking zone improperly. This is not an over reaction as after his day is over, he can relax with a nice cup of tea.

Now, had I made him have to get something from Starbucks we are moving into over reacting.

That is, after his day of perfectly acceptable torture for his heinous crimes, he has to go into Starbucks (the only place to get coffee in Tartarus), and order in broken Italian some poorly brewed coffee. The guy would get mild distain, as he cannot understand true coffee, and probably enjoys dish water. Sure the coffee has a few issues. That is because the local roaster is in Seattle, and the roasted beans are shipped to Tartarus from Seattle. The coffee is clearly awesome as you have to order it with very very bad Italian sounding phrases and pay ten dollars for what may possibly qualify as a small--but if you call it that, you cannot get by to get the coffee. If you were to drink the Seattle stuff, it would be too awesome for you to comprehend.

The person seems to hold himself as better than you, as while drinking your over cooked coffee, with old roasted beans, that was made in the morning and has not been changed since this morning, your only entertainment are Joe Biden frames of him eating a sandwich. These frames will be told why they are good, and why they are crap, as only a true connoisseur could tell the quality of them. The criminal will not want to interrupt so as to be seen as rude in such a situation.

In the case the criminal tries to mention what kind of day he has, the person tending the coffee will get irritated, and tell him everybody has horrible days in Tartarus. He spent his entire day trying to get his thick rimmed glasses positioned on his nose right. While listening to music that you might have heard of, and the bands are in danger of showing up on Wikipedia. Having to laud at the fact Tumblr might no longer be obscure. That the criminal's complaints are completely unwarranted--and him paying no mind to what the criminal seems to have had to go through.

This BTW is the punishment for Hipsters... to spend eternity as a Hipster in Tartarus. The rest is not added... it is just them being a Hipster and being tortured forever in Tartarus (you probably do not even know what Tartarus is).

Now adding this Starbucks and not allowing them a nice tea... that is over reacting. I'll thank you to know the difference!

I do not over react in my responses.

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