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The Lamia Hiss

The Lamia Harlot Hissing.

I make various off colour jokes on social ideas and constructs that seem weird or off to me. Possibly remarking why I cannot confess to being human really--humans make no sense to me. Typically including my ideas and thoughts on these rather weird ideas, conclusion jumping to the left, as I step around to the right to see what people are thinking here. Then I thrust some mind viruses in to really drive you insane.

But you know what? I just know history will repeat itself again.

Hope you enjoy me bitching people out.


Oooh... fun with scams

Okay--so... I get phoned... out of the blue. Apparently somebody wanted to offer me a free Solo Bell Cell Phone. Not certain if it was legit, and figuring it was mostly a scam, I bite. That is, until there was an sensitive data that would need to be released.

Now, the signal on the other end was... horrible. There was sound artifacts, there was compression quirbles--it was a bad signal. Maybe my phone was just dying--I doubted it... but well, maybe it was.

They gave a really really long list of features that the free phone, with no activation fee, no shipping and handling would have--should I pay a monthly fee of thirty Canadian Dollars.

Now, okay--maybe I can have good things. I figured, lets just see where this goes. He tells me, that his supervisor would have to get to me--so just wait five minutes until he phones back.

Kind of funny behaviour from a Telco like Solo Mobility? One under that whole Bell Umbrella. Yes, I have had issues with them in the past... but this is on the same level as "Uncle Pete's Backshed Telecommunications".

So, I pretty much get phoned back right after the whole hang up. I barely had put the phone down.

I give them my name "Kat Payne" and my home address... and yes, this phone is a good way to get a hold of me.

Then they needed one more thing... my Social Insurance Number.

I answered that I was not prepared to give that over the phone.

He assured me that it was a secure connection, and that my SIN would be used to generate my unique account id--we will not go into everything that is wrong with that...

I told him, that I only had his word for that.

"But Bell would never do that sort of thing to their customers."

"I only have your word that you are from Bell."

He gave me a toll free number, that he said would say he is from Bell.

I followed this number with a reverse look up... to find out it was owned by Paetec. Any further look ups do not show much of any affiliation with Bell.

BTW, when given silly numbers like that, I suggest doing a reverse lookup on them, before going further.

I mean, okay--had his scam been well polished enough... I would have bitten. I would have... but in this case, the issues were:

  • Compression issues in the phone calls. It was like listening to a 68KBPS MP3 that had been put onto vinyl. There was also a fair amount of background noise. Sounded like he was doing this on a pay phone really. Do a better sounding phone call, and cut out that background crap.
  • The prompt contact by the busy supervisor. There are a lot of people that a free phone would be nice to give to, and he did say he was busy--seriously... fifteen minutes would be a standard minimum wait, I'd think.
  • The lack of hold. That I could not be put onto hold, while his supervisor was contacted. Waiting on hold for fifteen minutes would have made me a lot more convinced.
  • The fact that on the look up of his "Official Bell Agent Number" it did not list itself as being affiliated in anyway with Bell Canada. Further more, it was a number from a US Asterisk company. Had his number been registered as something that looked like it was Bell Canada, I would have been inclined to bite even more so.
If these details would have been removed, without any others, I probably would have bought into it.

Come on people--put some effort into these scams! You are better than this!


If you could ask George W. Bush one question what would it be?

Yeah--could I get that supersized? And ooh--is the iced coffee still in season? Ooh! And could I get two apple pies with that order, please?

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango

First thing you'd do after surviving a zombie apocalypse? "Surviving" in this question is flexible because if you're undead and don't get a face of buckshot, you've still survived.

Well depends...

I mean, if it was one handled quickly, with the Zombies killed before the disease got too far, I'd probably return to work. Noting that nobody will really care about my Z-Day stories at the water cooler.

In the case that it is handled poorly, the only way that Z-Day will end--is once all humans are Zombies. As well, if we have both, the Zombie Apocolypse is still going on...

In which case I would be a screaming nympho zombie. The one that screams at you or has sex with you, while eating your brain.

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango


Do you believe in life after death?

No. When I die, I am taking all of you with me. X3

Well--not entirely. No idea whether there is something in the great beyond. My after life, is anybody I have impressed in my life with knowledge.

Be if positive knowledge.

Be it negative knowledge.

Be it a wonderful loving relationship.

My life and my death, is the spark that anybody I touch, carries in them, by knowing me.

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango

Whether it be a joke or not, why are you expecting to go to prison?

Why, for the worst crime of all. One that will not ever go unpunished.


However, this may not be some stone prison.

Why, I could be locked up as mentally unwell--as my dissidence makes me a harm to myself and others.

Or, we have a better prison. It is called a pill. This pill, if applied properly makes the best prison available.

Not to say that there are not people that can get some decent use for it. However, when we give these prison pills to our kids, because they are being kids, and we do not enjoy that--we effectively tell them, you do not have to deal with your issues. A pill can do it for you.

Prisons come in all shapes and sizes.

Prison is living in any location, that you cannot escape from. Even if you do not desire or want to use that escape. That escape from where you are is the requirement to define whether where you are living is paradise or prison.

This, does kind of require that the escape route is real, and a viable option. As there are plenty of prisons that say you can leave any time--but how to do so, is not a real option.

If you are a dissident even in today's modern free world--you get options removed from you. Escape routes cut.

You get told that unless you do what we say, we are not going to let you go here.

Now, instead of armed guards at roads, we have legal road blocks. We have bureaucracy. We have medication. We have warnings on packages. We have contracts. We have a large amount of items that remove escape routes.

Now, some of the stuff that appears in these blockades I agree with.

However, after putting a few decent ones in, we kind of have not stopped. As well, it is for your protection. As well as the protection of your children.

Now ask yourself, in Cyber Punk genre material, is anything that the authorities suggest you do, "for your own protection?" really something you want to do?

We are living in Cyber Punk now.

Now, I am not saying go against the cops. Just maybe, ask how and why the rules that are there are in place.

Rules should have reason behind them.

We however have long since lived in a world, where nobody really cares about the reasons. They just follow the rules and enforce them. Because they are rules and that is what you do.

Myself, I look at the reason for the rules--rather than the rules themselves.

Thus making me a dissident.

Thus making me a danger to myself and others.

Which, will land me in prison.

That is, a living arrangement, that I have no clear real escape route from.

This is not conspiracy talk... no... conspiracy would mean that somebody planned it.

This arrangement is something that just eventually happened that everybody agreed to. There is no plan here. There are no conspiracy. There is nobody conspiring.

Nobody is competent enough to do this.

It just kind of fell into place.


I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango

Sounds like he was a great influence on your life. In more than one definition of the word "great."

Yeah, when they do finally lock me up in prison, he will be noted as one of the reasons to my delinquency. X3

It is because of Dad that I consider myself a Second Generation Discordian.

He was the sort that if a balloon popped at a birthday party, he'd start crying until all the kids at the party were roaring in tears.

He was the sort that every year, during Christmas would cheer on the Grinch. Maybe THIS year is the year for the Grinch. Maybe this year, he will steal Christmas.

Now, imagine doing that with kids around. It eventually became tradition to go from whining and being upset at Dad--to joining in, and cheering ol' Grinchy on.

It was kind of like cheering for the Maple Leafs at a Hockey Game. Except we were joking--Maple Leaf fans are not.

He was the sort, to make a joke--and somehow, that joke became a solid tradition. Such as the box, that goes around every gift giving time. We actually keep more track of gives the box, and where it has gone, and if this is a new box as the old one got destroyed, than any of the gifts.

In fact, it is probably better to get this box at a gift giving time, than any gift inside it now.

Mostly by Dad observing that that was the same box that appeared last time we gave presents and it just steam rolled from there.

Dad was also the one that got me first interested in artwork.

I admit, I am jealous that he knows how to use a slide rule (I want a slide rule dammit!). As he had demonstrated its use a few times.

Yes, he was a large influence on me--and he will be blamed, when I am finally put away. X3

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango


Too true. You like details don't you? You seem to want to explain things as best as possible, no matter the subject. It is good you would want to. A lot of people don't want to take the time.

Well, there are plenty of reasons for this.

One, was something I impressed upon growing up, by my father.

"No matter how brilliance or creative your idea is. If it stays inside your head, it is useless." -- Bob J. Payne

He also had a few other things he taught me.

"If you cannot explain something, so that the layman can understand. You do not understand it." -- Bob J. Payne

This is not say that by explaining it, you understand it. However, if you cannot explain it, you definitely do not understand it.

"Everybody is too worried about who they are, to really care what you are doing that is wrong." -- Bob J. Payne.

This one is a weird one--as, to understand this, the only reason, going out and doing something will bother somebody, is it reflects something that they do not like about themselves.

And, you reflect something they do not like about who they are, only then, will you have a problem.

He also had the rather humourous phrase:

"There are those that can do, and those that can't teach." -- Bob J. Payne.

In that one, he was mostly reflecting his issues with how little real world knowledge people in academia tend to really have.

Now, me and Dad really do not get along that well.

This does not mean everything he said was trash. It just means we would butt heads with each other quite a bit.

Dad's main issue, was that I was always too much like him.

Dad was always the one to say:

"Why don't you ask them why they do that?" -- Bob J. Payne.

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango

I agree with all of those points and am glad you can express yourself through words so well. You are very different in comparison to most others, this you are aware of, I'm sure. I like different, to a degree. Some differences can be harmful, though.

The reason that differences are going to be harmful is due to what you define as harmful.

Now, this does not mean you are bad, for not like certain differences. As long as you know where and why they are coming from.

This does not mean you need to change your definition of harmful.

Some things you will just not be interested in--no matter how much people tell you how or why they operate.

Trying to enjoy that stuff is where the harm comes from.

Everybody here is different. Yes, we do have plenty of similar traits that put us into easy to target marketing demographics...

I mean unite us as a group.

However, what is important, is be true to yourself. And further more, allow others to be true to themselves.

If you are straight, and somebody is gay--it only gets harmful, if the gay person tries to be straight, or the straight person tries to be gay.

Look at Micheal Jackson after he was turned from black to white. That seemed to make him from a relatively cool guy... to about as creepy as that very effeminate priest who cured his gayness to become straight.

Yes, some things can be very harmful to be... because they may not be something you are able to be.

Me--I cannot do the Vegan thing. I tried. My body could not live like that. From my understanding, plenty of people can do the Vegan thing, and work and operate better while doing it.

Each and every one of us have different bodies, and different minds.

We have different abilities, different goals and different needs.

I put your basic needs as the following;
* Air to breath. Air that is not polluted with allergenic content. Air that you can go out, take a big wiff of, and not feel pain.
* Protection from the elements. In some cases it is clothing and shelter. Though sometimes what these consist of, is not the same for each person or each location.
* Water to drink.
* Food for nutrience. And there is no blanket menu everybody can make use of. Some people need a LOT more food. Some people need different food. I find the Canadian Food Guide a retarded idea. Why? It was a study done by a group of people that are known for incompetence--that is the Canadian Government. Each of us requires different foods and needs for our bodies. And it is up to us to figure this out.
* Mental stimulation. If we are not mentally pleased, we cannot function. However, each of us have different things that this goes into.
* Emotional stimulation. This is why the whole, "not playing with kids, and kids not interacting" seems stupid to me. We all need to do something that emotionally stimulates us. And we each have different things we need for this. Some really need something to fire us up and make us angry. Others, need something that makes us really sad. Heck, that is why tragic plays were created--because people need to cry and be sad. By tearing our eyes out, we feel better. As it is a release. Others need something that peps us up. Makes us the most happy person out there. The sort of happy to dance.
* Sexual stimulation: this is base need. Something that we all need, otherwise we will not function. Even more so, there is no one single way to do it. What one person may enjoy, somebody will not do anything with.

People have put these wrongly as a pyramid.No, that does not work--each of these is an independent pillar of who we are, and what we need to function. None of these are able to have a cookie cutter one size fits all deal either.

And, if, in your attempts to fill these needs, one of these is different from what is good for you, then it will be harmful to you. Very harmful

That list of base needs that everybody needs all of them to some degree (these are not optional):
* Air to breathe
* Protection from the Elements
* Water to Drink
* Food that works for you
* Mental Stimulation
* Emotional Stimulation
* Sexual Stimulation

And, in getting these base needs, if something different is harmful when you try to make use of it, for these needs, then it is bad for you to do it.

However, that does not mean it does not work for others.

It also means, that something that works for you, will work for others either.

Your body and mind is different, to put it simply.

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango

Well said, very well said. It is a nice change of pace to actually have meaningful conversation with someone, especially over the net. I'm too used to the type of people who waste their time and energy hating on others or being needlessly depressed.

Well, I was depressed when I was younger--suicidal even. However, that was only because I was on meds, for doing what I am doing now.

Only since I was young, I had not learned how to use the proper words. I have since then grew up, and only resort to fists every Thursday.

I do not hate people. I hate ignorance. Facing ignorance with more ignorance only will cause issues.

Instead, when you are faced with something you do not understand, ask it questions. Interview this new C'thulhu. Figure out the how and why of this eldritch type reasoning.

You do not need to agree with their conclusions once you know their reasoning.

You just need to question their reasoning, until you get it--regardless of if you agree with it, or not.

And it is okay to feel bad. It really is. We all have times where life hands us a large shit sandwich, light on the salt and pepper, that we need to eat.

And you can grimace and groan as you eat it...

But, rather than just feel bad that "I am eating a shit sandwich..."

You need to ask, "how do I not have to eat a shit sandwich ever again"

Unless you enjoy that sort of thing... then, more power to you. I do not enjoy corpophilia, but there are plenty of things I like, that various people into corpophilia would think I am really weird fo enjoy.

And, everybody will offer advice as to what you can do, to take this very horrid sandwich off your menu. When they offer you this advice, question them on how it works and operates.

As while they may not have your shit sandwiches, chances are, they have a few of their own. You need to make certain that their solution is not going to make it worse than before.

Being depressed is okay--as long as you are making an active effort to make your life and situation a better place.

Ignorance of somethings are also okay.

Myself, I do not get or understand Windows.

Does this make me scream about how Windows is the worst OS out there?

No, I simply say I do not understand Windows. It is fine and okay--and has its uses... but I do not get it.

Ignorance only becomes bad, when you lash out at the thing you are ignorant of, rather than just stating you do not understand it.

Look around outside. Look in your house. Is everything out there something you understand down to the cellular level, molecular level, atomic level or even quantum level?

I can honestly say, looking out my window, there are plenty of things that I do not know. Do I lash out at them? Do I think they are wrong? Do I fear them?

No, I just state that I do not understand everything out there--as I am incapable of knowing all. So, it is only natural, that I should come across things I do not understand.

Things that I will be ignorant of.

It is how I act on said ignorance, that makes the difference.

I do not want people constantly asking me about Grim Fandango


The only reason any of you use the internet (And internet commandments)

Well, I normally only post blog entries during the last week of the month. No idea why one week of the month, my greatest desire would be to chew people out, bite their heads off and spit down their throat.

However, I came up to a little epiphany.

Why people use the Internet? Drama!

People talk about how much they hate Drama. Oh my god, there is so much drama here. Please, stop this.

In the past, I would have been more inclined to agree that less drama would be better.

However, it just kind of made sense that the only reason anybody uses the internet is because of how often we get that Special Olympics playing along. Whether you enjoy watching some of these events, or are a very big fan of taking part in these Special Internet Games, everybody loves drama on the Internet.

First lets go over the other "reasons" people give to justify this. Some of which I kind of thought might have been true before his most noodly appendage reached out from an alley and touched various parts of me. In other news, I need a new school uniform.

Myth: People Use The Internet for Research

This reason would work just fine... if not for the most abhorrent sin possible being present all over the internet.

1. Thou Shalt Not Be WRONG!

The internet allows us a rather wonderful medium to fix the idea that somebody out there may be wrong. This causes various methods to be put into place to try to fix their wrongness and make them stop being so damned wrong.

I mean, do you know how many billions of people every day, on the Internet, go around being wrong? It is a good thing that I have this blog, in place to slowly fix this horrid horrid crime. As we all know, ranting and raving on some blog is the best way to fix wrong people. Hell, I mean, the majority of my blog's followers are not even family members--so I must have a very good reach here (never mind that this is only because my family does not really bother or care to read my blog. As well, I seem to violate this, first commandment of the internet, as far as my family is concerned).

I mean, it is good that we have this great medium of information out there, and a large group of people to tell others just why and how everybody, but them, is completely wrong.

Myth: People use the Internet to talk to Friends and Family

Right--how many people actually enjoy talking to their family members? I mean, yes, you do get some members that are okay, and very nice to talk to.

However, most of your family is just people who are there, and generally annoy the crap out of you. Either you have a really psychotic mother (which, I am finding is surprisingly common). I mean, all women are crazy, and my Mom use to tell me growing up, "insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids."

2. Go forth and be psychos. For Psychotic people are the bread and butter of the internet

Think about this for a bit? Who are the people bringing about all the great technologies on the internets. Who is it that brings all the large amounts of social change. I will tell you who:

Crazy Fuckers.

Between much of how the World Wide Web was worked on in the late 1990s being done by the Heaven's Gate Cult. To the point that some suspect that one of the main causes of the Dot Com Bomb, was their little Nike Blanket Party, that they went to, to exchange Apple Sauce recipes. As most of their members were very influential workers of the Internet at the time.

Then we have The Goons, Anonymous and the Japanese bringing forth a large amount of technologies and social structures, concepts and pretty much everything we know about on the internets. Personally, of those, I would put the The Goons at the most sane, Anonymous at second place for sanity, and the Japanese as last place, no matter who is entered into this contest for sanity.

But then, I very public suspect that Japan consists entirely of C'thulhu Cultists.

Myth: People use the internet to talk to people of similar interests

Well, yes--and this is probably the biggest cause of drama out there.

I mean, I see myself, as a fan of anthropomorphic artwork, and very spiritually in tune with certain animals.

Which, thanks to internet drama lets me know, that my greatest desire is to have sex in teddy bear suits.

It really does not help that most interest groups are completely and totally wrong. In violation of the first commandment of the internet (not to be confused with the Rules of the Internet).

I mean, as we all know, I am a fan of the Vim text editor. Which of course, is the correct text editor to be interested in.

You get some asshats who try to say EMACS is much better. They are completely and totally delusional. As I can tell you exactly why Vi and Vim is the ultimate editor for all to use:

  1. Personal Preference
  2. Familiarity
  3. It is a standard
See, this is exactly why, anybody who says they like EMACS are fucking nuts. I mean, how can they not understand that Vim is so much better than EMACS will ever be, for those above three reasons.

I will note, that my choice of operation system, or distribution of operation system, is best, for those above reasons. Anybody who suggests another one is one of the most laughably insane people out there.

And even then for interest groups, it is not because it is fun--it is because it is work.

3. Stop Having Fun!

I mean, how can you enjoy playing Super Smash Bros., if you have no clue what Wave Dashing is? I mean, that is the reason Brawl is the worst game on the planet. They removed Wave Dashing.

Then we move into Pokemon, which you cannot possible play the game, unless you know about natures, IVs and EVs. I mean, playing the game is useless without such knowledge.

This is exactly why Final Fantasy XIII is the penultimate game out there. You have to slog through twenty hours of completely dull and trite crap, just so that when you do get somewhere interesting, you have done all the work in being exactly like how you want to be, before you are allowed to have fun.

These are games here people! Ones that you need to play exactly one fucking way, of GTFO. See Internet Commantment 1.

It is rather common, for any interest group, to ban anything that is fun to do. I mean, look at Christianity, and their one simplified commandment: "if you enjoy doing it, it is a sin."

And like Christianity:

4. Thou shalt not improvise. For improvisation shows no knowledge of the subject matter, like that of drolling out rote memorised speeches.

This is a mix of commandments number 3 and 2.

I mean, you improvised a bit based on Monty Python? You did not match the lines and words completely and totally perfect?!


You coloured outside the fucking lines on some standardised rule set, that helps make a game better by removing the fun?


Clearly you have forgotten the whole point of the internet. You have turned away from your god, and these commandments. You shall be case out into the fiery inferno where disco will be played for all eternity.

Speaking of Disco Infernos.

5. Thous Shalt make porn of it.

However, this commandment cannot break any of the other four commandments. Especially number four. I mean, if your pornography is not something that matches all the other porno up completely and exactly, with perhaps even the horrid idea of some originality to it, this also ends up breaking commandments 1, 2, and 3--as well as the obvious breaking of number 4.

I mean, the idea that you like something that is not the same plastic mold over and over again, is completely abhorrent and wrong. How can you live with yourself?

The idea that everybody enjoys the same thing, also very nicely falls under number 2.

Enjoying pornography? Are you kidding? Nobody enjoys pornography. It is the most abhorrent item to ever look at. Just ask any clergy man. He will set you straight. Then, he will go to the Choir Boy's special vocal chord therapy, where he applies a very holy cream to their vocal cords, that give them the voice of angels. A completely valid practice in helping people sing. Just look at pretty much every pop star out there today. Proof that giving lots and lots of head is the best thing you can do for your singing career.

Summary of the Internet Commandments to follow with zealous religious passion:
  1. Thou shalt not be wrong
  2. Go forth and be psychotic. For the crazy people are the bread and butter of the internet
  3. Thou shall stop having fun!
  4. Thou shalt not improvise. For improvisation shows no knowledge of the subject matter, like that of drolling out rote memorised speeches.
  5. Thou shall make porn of it
Now then, the Internet shall be a good and holy place, for all of mankind to thrive, live, breath and sleep. While womankind is in their kitchens, fetching them beer and sandwiches.